Do you need a partner to practice Tantra? Do you need someone to sit by your side to study with me? Must you be coupled to learn the key tools of a successful relationship?
What do you think I’m going to say here? You got it — the answer is NO!
Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice and our spiritual practices begin with ourselves. Many of you have heard me say that the first relationship we have is with God/Spirit. As adults, the more we are able to connect with that that is greater than ourselves, the wider and deeper our perspectives become.
Tending to our spiritual lives is tantamount to finding freedom and love in the way we so deeply crave. Trouble for most couples is that they are looking towards each other to find this sense of freedom and deep connection that they crave only to find their (human) partner falls short in this area. Something like trying to find water in a desert. This spiritual love we are looking for comes from our relationship with that that is greater than ourselves. It is a longing for an understanding of the world, of life and of death, that we gain from opening to the vastness.
Speaking with a friend this week, she remembered that she gains truth and clarity when she is on top of a tall mountain peak after a long hike. This is a very common experience – most of us experience a greater perspective from the top of the mountain than from the mole hill we are sitting on. I call that our first relationship with the Divine.
The second relationship is between you and you (notice there is still not a partner involved.) Tantra/spiritual practice also brings us to our relationship with ourselves.
How are you loving yourself?
Are you kind?
Do you put yourself first or are you neglecting yourself?
How are you at providing self care that is so essential to being present and authentic?
Where are you still judging yourself?
If you are not sure – just notice how you are judging others and turn it around to you. It can be helpful to make a list of all the people you judge, all the situations, and also how you hold judgments of “all men” or “all women.” We cannot judge others in anyway that we area not familiar with judging ourselves. This is a very important step when it comes to preparing yourself for relationship. Coming back to love with yourself is paramount to a successful long-term relationship.You cannot love another, unless you truly and deeply and genuinely love yourself.
Partnered Tantra practices are a choice and in my humble opinion, they are your choice to make only after you feel peaceful and aligned in your first two relationships (with God and with yourself.) Once you have truly studied and taken the deep dive into your spiritual life and your emotional life – when you have started to open up to love for yourself — then you can choose to bring your full authentic self into relationship with a partner.
So, can you practice Tantra without a partner?
Not only can you, but I invite you to!
You are welcome to check my website for articles on Tantra and relationship and how to get started. No matter where you start, you will benefit tremendously from even a small amount of conscious intentional practice.