In the 20 years of leading workshops and guiding couples back to a place of loving connection, I’ve come to learn that there are certain skills one needs to learn to create lasting successful change inside and out.
I have also been able to see and understand the roadblocks: what gets in the way of love and deep connection. One of my areas of expertise is taking apart the puzzle, going deep and seeing/feeling what’s really going on beneath the surface.
And I also do the same for myself.
Flashback two years when suddenly people started asking me if I was going to offer a training so serious practitioners, students, could learn what’s going on behind the scenes of the Intimate Puja Circles I lead – and learn how to do it themselves. I made a mental note but did nothing about it.
Fast forward two years (or 18 months) and more people were asking and still I kept putting it aside. Lo and behold, SELF DOUBT was rearing its head!
What’s a Come Back To Love coach to do? —-> Figure out how to deal with self-doubt and come back to self-love.
First, I want to say that these deep feelings — that began in childhood — they can be insidious. They can impact us physically, emotionally, energetically…and even spiritually. Mine did! I got a cold, a virus actually — keep reading to see what I did!
Here’s a snapshot of the most valuable tools to relieve self-doubt and come back to self LOVE.
- Create space for slowing down to notice. I will always say that meditation is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Meditation provides you the space to pause — take a break from your busy day – and check in with YOU. You can take it deeper of course into the spiritual realm but as a start, it can be a defined time for mindfulness.
- Witness your feelings, thoughts and sensations. While you’re in that quiet place of meditation, this is the time to invite a sense of curiosity — so you know what is going on inside. This is the time to get intimate with yourself. To know yourself better. If self-doubt comes up, invite it forward (be with the sensation, rather than trying to push it away).
- Use your imagination and ask yourself some questions: What does your self-doubt look like? What color, what texture, what size, shape, etc. Get to know your self-doubt. Keep acknowledging body sensations and breathing. Stay with yourself. Move slowly. I know these may seem like weird questions but basically you are inviting this part of yourself forward so you can deal with it.
- Allow the self-doubt to show you where it started. We all had childhood experiences that took us out of love and into self-doubt. Finding out what happened and when will help you heal the past. Sometimes just naming it and sharing the story with a trusted friend, or therapist, will help. Other times you need to do deeper work to heal and move through the difficulty.
In my case, I had so many early experiences of my parents shaming me for being smart, doing the right thing, getting good grades. They weren’t trying to shame me — but it happened. So self-doubt showed up bright and clear when I started to step into the next phase of my business – the training!
Once I went through steps 1 through 4 above, I got another ‘hit’ of a situation that needed healing. Doing the healing work is beyond the scope of this article but doing the formative work above will give you the clarity about what’s going on and what your next steps are. Let me know if you want to discuss further.
I use a simple tapping (back and forth, left and right) to move through painful feelings. I recently led an example of that on FB here.
There are always many opportunities to come back to love with yourself. We spent a week looking closely at judgment and today’s article brings you tools to use to shift self-doubt when it shows up.
You want to become a master of YOU. Whether you are in relationship or not, is not really the point – because no matter what it’s YOU that needs to be loved…from YOU. To YOU.
The work that I do not only supports you in looking at the past and what’s ready to be healed but also what is happening in the present that is holding you back…from loving yourself, and from having the best relationship in your life, too (if that is what you choose).