It can be challenging to keep the love flowing and your sex life open, expressive and exciting when you are dealing with daily stressors. Most couples arrive at a place where they feel stuck, unexcited… even bored. It’s a delicate topic – no one wants to outwardly blame their partner – and yet neither of you wants to continue feeling the mediocrity.
Using special music and unscented organic candles, I invite you to create a sacred space together. Choose a location in your home for making love. I’m not talking about sexual intercourse (although that’s one possibility). I’m talking about a place to LOVE: to appreciate each other, speak what’s been unspoken, share sensual touch, erotic play, and/or share sexual energy together.
Sacred Space can be a room in and of itself (it doesn’t necessarily have to be your bedroom) or you can have what’s called an Altar dedicated to love, intimacy, sexuality and divine connection. Whether it’s a room, or a space in a room (where the Altar is set up), place beautiful things in the space. Add photos, poems, lingerie, natural perfume or incense, your wedding/commitment vows….you get the idea!
Create something that represents your relationship and your love.
– The essential oils of flowers, fruits, trees and bark have wonderful energies that can heal, protect, attract, open up, and magnify an experience or symptom. There’s a very explicit art/science around using them so please read the directions on the bottles (for example, some are taken internally and some are only used externally). For our purposes here, I’d like to propose a few that may enhance your love making experience. In terms of purchasing, you want the highest quality you can find. I highly recommend the organic flower essences and products sold by Lotus Wei. www.LotusWei.com
For individual essences, try these:
Lavender: Promotes unconditional love for yourself and others
Allspice Berry: Amplifies masculine energy
Cedarwood: Promotes centering and strength at the core, used to overcome stress
Sweet Basil: Clarifying, uplifting, energizing and refreshing
Eucalyptus: Purifying and invigorating
Jasmine: Promotes a sense of calm, sensual and romantic
Myrrh: Useful during visualizations and meditations, centering properties
Neroli: Widely used, very strong and refreshing supporting sensuality and play
Patchouli: Benefits include enhancing romantic, soothing and sensual energy
Rose: Romantic! Need I say more?
Sandalwood: Sweet and woody smell, instant relaxation, centering and sensual
Ylang Ylang: Benefits include sensual and euphoric experiences
Textures and Toys
It’s fun to play with different kinds of touch and to use items to help your experience be deep, sensual and erotic. Things like feathers, silks, brushes, and massage tools can be wonderful to explore with. Ask your partner to close his/her eyes and if they are willing to let you experiment with different textures on their body. Let them know that you will keep them safe and that they are empowered to say “no” at any time. When they say “no”, your job is to stop, no matter what, in that moment and not a moment later. This makes it safe for your partner.
Begin with light touch on his/her body using your hands. You can explore long brush strokes, soft short strokes, tapping, massaging, rubbing and creating heat. You can use your nails (if your partner says ‘yes’). You can use your palms, your fingers, your fists, arms. And you can use other parts of your body as well. Experiment and explore! It’s so much fun!!!
After using your hands and body to explore, try the other things that offer different sensations. Tease with the feathers, love with the silks, be curious about the brush.
Sex and massage toys often have a massage like vibration and you can play with that as well. Most of all – have fun!! And listen to each others’ ‘yes’ and ‘no’.