3 Steps to Balance the Masculine & Feminine for More Love, Sex and Joy!

I was recently interviewed by a colleague exploring ways to move out of fear and into a life of love, pleasure, passion and purpose.

She asked me to share with her listeners a little about my own story and how I came to work with people who want to break free of fear and achieve their goals.  I thought I’d share my responses with you.

Reflecting back, I was really scared as a child.  My mother was sick when I was young and she was terrified for six years straight, it seemed.  These are formative years in the life of a child and growing up in an environment filled with fear, created a lot of fear in my body and mind. Like most children, although these things may not have seemed scary to all of the adults that around me, they were very scary to me as a young child.

Thus, I grew up with that fear at the forefront of my life.  Yes, it ebbed and flowed over the years, but it wasn’t until 15 years ago – when I discovered Tantra and began studying, practicing and teaching – that I’ve been truly able to harness my own life-force energy and use it to heal so that now I  am not only able to be with my fear most of the time, but systematically bring myself to a place of love on demand.

One transformational part of Tantra practice is learning to align and re-balance the divine masculine and divine feminine inside ourselves. The benefits of this balancing are tremendous and include:  more energy and less fatigue, releasing fear and coming back to love, improving relationships so there’s less conflict and more understanding, expanding sexual pleasure and for me, creating a viable business model that wasn’t just healing but also lucrative.

My colleague also asked me how the inner balance of divine masculine and divine feminine impact our ability to face fear and move forward in our lives with more love, satisfying sex, and joy.

Before I answer that question, let’s define a healthy divine masculine and a healthy divine feminine.  

We all have an inner masculine aspect and an inner feminine aspect (no matter our gender or sex)  – for most of us, one is stronger and one is weaker, or not as developed.  Sometimes this is across gender lines but not always.

A healthy divine masculine has these well-developed qualities:

    • focus, steady, grounded, like a pillar, knows how to get from point A to point B in the most efficient way, clarity, the ability to hold a container….like the glass that’s holding water, the glass is the masculine aspect

A healthy divine feminine has these well-developed qualities:

    • the ability to surrender, receive, flow, nurture, love unconditionally, allow; it’s the water in that glass I just mentioned above

When they are in a healthy balance (whatever that is for you – it’s different for everyone) — you can face your fear,  hold loving space for your feelings (feminine) but also move through your fear and focus on moving forward in your life (masculine.) This is healthy balance. You want both: to be with your feelings (not ignoring them or denying them or distract yourself) but also not let them get in your way of manifesting, creating or building something that you want – something that you’re incredibly passionate about.

Here are 3 steps to bringing the divine masculine and divine feminine back into balance: 

1. Determine which one is out of balance; which you would like more of in your life.

Look at your relationships at home and at work, with your children, and parents and determine if you notice a theme.

Ask yourself how you are at receiving?  

Do you feel out of control?

Do you have a need to control? 

Do you allow space in your life to just BE and follow your intuition?  

How are you about “Dreaming and Doing” – do you lose focus?

Have trouble getting started or keeping momentum going?

2.  Whichever one you want to strengthen, take that one out on a date (with you.)

I’ve been working on strengthening my divine masculine.  If I take him out on a date, I might take him to a coffee shop and work on a project with a deadline.  I might do something like a trapeze swing or a high ropes course where “focus and go” or “feel the fear and do it anyway” come in handy. But you get the point –create an evening or a day where those aspects will be needed, even required.

3. Make a list of any judgements you have towards women and another list of judgments towards men.

Know that we cannot judge others in ways we do not judge ourselves. This will not only give you hints about which aspect is stronger inside you and which needs some love and attention, but it gives you a starting place to work towards a greater capacity of love for yourself.

Start today with these 3 steps and after 3 weeks notice how you feel.  Assess again, do another judgment list and see what’s changed. Notice how your relationships are at work and how well you are doing overcoming fear and coming back to love.

A balanced internal masculine and feminine brings balance externally.  It brought my business from a healing practice/hobby to a viable lucrative, sustainable business; it brought my relationships into balance in terms of giving and receiving.  It’s allowed me to gain clarity on what I want in relationship and what I do not.  This divine balance is vital to bringing more love, great sex, and joy into your life in all areas inside the bedroom and out.


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